Against the Grain

For years and years I've made resolutions along with everybody else. My last post said I wasn't going to make any because I don't keep them.

This morning I started thinking of things I'd like to have in my life and I started to get excited. Maybe re-wording or not putting a label on it would make it easier to jot down some goals.

While visiting a friend this morning I got all energized to get my own space. I'm certainly not knocking the one I'm in now. It's great; I'm comfortable; and like the excitement of living with my family. But, it will be nice to have my stuff spread about me and not infringe on the sacred spaces of others.

Of course the legal proceedings are looming ahead of me and it's hard not to get leery of what will happen. Keeping a positive attitude (I mean, not positive that it will not go in my favor). Like Stacy says "built your life here and whatever happens there will be gravy".

I've already got a jump on organization. I've gotten underbed boxes to help with that. Now, keeping things straightened up is one of my main goals.

Stacy and I have worked out a "schedule" for dinner. So far, I'm going to make it on Mondays. A good day since Josie will be in her violin class. One day out of seven doesn't really sound fair does it?

Another thing I'd like to do is travel a little more. This could prove a little difficult with my job but I'd like to go up to Nashville more than once when I see Camelot; up to Wisconsin in June for my godson's high school graduation; to Ireland to find some hunks like in the movie P.S. I love you. Not that I want any relationships with them; I'd just like to look at them.

That's enough for now. I have a scarf to knit and some bears to work on.

The End

The new year's almost here and some resolutions are supposed to be forthcoming. I always make them but usually never keep them. I don't want another year of disappointing myself. I've made some big changes this year and I certainly want to maintain that momentum; I admit to trying to slide back into my comfortable routine.

I will do more walking to work. I will do yoga at the Y for sure. My work project at the bakery will be to know where everything is; get it organized; and, if needed, get it cleaned. As for my bears; there will be a concentrated effort to the marketing side but I still need to create some more. There are some ideas in my head that need to come out.

That's a start.

If Only

If only I would have known how happy I was going to be; I would have made this move a LONG time ago. They say you can live on love and I believe it. I got it good and that ain't bad.

Getting up this morning out of a very deep sleep was sweetened by Josie who snuggled with me for a few minutes before I started my donut slinging. Now I get to have a whole week off while the bakery is closed.

I'm counting my chickens before they're hatched but 2008 is going to be a great year!

Up and At 'Em

Here I am up before the crack of dawn; getting ready to go to work at the bakery. I really like working there and have had fun getting to meet people. I even managed to get one grumpy person to smile. My fear of the cash register is subsiding and I hope I'm not asking too many questions.

Of course, having an exciting life seems to be causing me to not get to sleep right away; a lot of tossing and turning. I'm plenty tired enough. The day before yesterday I thought it was the large bottle of tea I drank but it happened again last night. Or, could it be that I realized Christmas is a LOT closer than I thought and I'm still thinking I have lots of time. I took care of that yesterday when I Christmas shopped after work. Today I'll do a little more.

Right now, I have a day full of Christmas carols to sing to and customer's to help.

Choral Heaven

I am flying high right now. I just got home from choral practice and it was SO amazing. I haven't sung the Hallelujah Chorus in forever and I don't think I ever sang it with a full orchestra. I found it hard to sing because I was tearing up; and when the trumpet solo came near the end I was a basket case of pure joy. Therese asked me my favorite Christmas songs while I was in Wisconsin at Thanksgiving and when I told her the Hallelujah Chorus and The Glory of the Lord from The Messiah she just gave me the deer in headlights look; like no, I mean real Christmas songs. I'm sorry, but if I have to join the real world I'll take a pass. I do love most all Christmas songs (some better than others) but my taste varies quite a bit. I don't care--that's why there are headphones; cranking up the tunes in one's car; or waiting until there's nobody else at home.

We also did White Christmas and it was so good (IMHO) that I expected Bing Crosby to walk on stage. Santa Claus is going to sing part of it and I hope he either eats a lot of food between now and Saturday or has a lot of padding laying around because he is one skinny dude.

I do need to get some sleep though. I start working at the bakery tomorrow. Luckily I don't need to be there at the crack of dawn. It should be lots of fun. I plan on walking to work just in case I get any ideas of eating lots of donuts.

Aaargh!

My favorite saying when I'm overwhelmed. I need to take lots of deep breaths!

I had a wonderful time in Wisconsin and a great homecoming but life has been knocking me on the side of the head with it's 2x4; and, also giving me great blessings at the same time. Before I left I was kind of updating my website--I think a lot of it turned out to be "I'll do that when I get back" so it's amazing that I got an order out of all that chaos. Now I'm trying to fix all the HTML, etc. and hopefully my site will be functioning as it's supposed to. In the midst of this I got a new camera and tried to take pictures without knowing how to operate it. Once I master that I'll be able to fly a jet plane.

I also got a job at the bakery not too far from here. I don't know when I start; hopefully soon.

I've attempted to go Christmas shopping; Christmas will be here sooner than later.

So, on that note I'd better get off the blog and get something accomplished before another 2x4 comes my way.

Love

The saying "you can't live by love alone" is certainly wrong; for me anyways. I returned from a week away in Wisconsin to a gigantic Josie hug the minute I put down my suitcase. Followed shortly by a wonderful hug from Stacy. I had a great time with brothers, sister, niece, and Aunt Nancy. They might have wearied at yet another Jack and Josie story but what can I say--they're the light of my life. Jack kept introducing himself to me while he was eating dinner and when he was done kept leaving the room and coming back to stand next to me; sitting on my lap while I was reading Josie a story. This is heaven with a capital "H"!

I don't want to leave Stacy out and even Matt who offered me a piece of pumpkin pie before Sally got into it. It's just good to be back in the fold. Even Sally jumped into my lap and couldn't stop smelling Marley; something Marley had been doing while I was at Dave and Therese's.

Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to count your blessings. I have so many. Something to sustain me while I'm looking for a job and all the other day-to-day things I need to do.

Back of the Bus

Here I am again; in another chorus and loving it. Today was our second rehearsal and I settled myself comfortably right next to the beautiful baby grand piano thinking I could watch the accompanist play while we sang. No luck; they arranged the sections by height. Guess what? I'm one of the tallest. It seems the taller girls are a little more friendly. My only concern is that the bleachers that we stand on will be high and I'm a little height challenged.

My new life is very exciting. I'm joining a few things and getting involved in the art community. Tomorrow I'm off to Wisconsin to spend Thanksgiving with my brothers and sister. Something I haven't done for a long time. Something I'll be able to enjoy because there'll be no restrictions.

I love to be able to do things because I want to do them; they're something I choose to do. That being said; I'm not really choosing a job but it's a necessary thing to help support myself and my art. I'm still looking and there might be some possibilities.

Back to the chorus. I walked to the rehearsal and enjoyed the warm weather; that's nice in late November. I really enjoyed looking at the different colored leaves. I haven't seen a lot of fall color in a while. The two trees in New Mexico don't have many leaves to drop.

Modern Conveniences

I can't believe I'm using a bread machine. How I've fallen prey to a convenient, time-saving device when I love to get my hands on the dough and knead--it's only ten minutes! I vowed to never even use the dough hooks on the Kitchenaid mixer; that, I've managed to accomplish.

Even a friendly I'll make bread in the machine and you make it your way challenge has fallen by the wayside. I've come to realize that using a machine and still being able to get dinner together; wrangle a dog and a two year old is invaluable. I'm not saying for sure but maybe when I get into my own house I may revert back to the time honored traditions of baking bread. Does old dog and new tricks ring a bell?

I will get my hands on some dough in a few days when I make rolls for the Thanksgiving feast in Wisconsin so it isn't a total loss.

Intention

Coming up on my three month anniversary of my new life. I was gung ho at the beginning but now I've kind of been slipping into my old habits. If writing down that I intend to get back to focusing helps--here it is.

No more saying it's too cold to get my swimsuit on and go to the Y at 9 a.m. to water aerobics class; no more excuses when I should take a walk instead of vegetate in front of the television; and now I have a snazzy new yoga outfit that will certainly help my intention with practicing.

I'm grateful for all the wonderful things that have been happening in my life. I intend to remember that I'm driving this bus of my life and I choose it's direction; not the things that are or are not happening to me.

Heinz 57

Today I'm like Heinz-57 varieties. Also known as the big 5-7; a birthday. It's a milestone not because of the number but because of where I am--in a VERY happy place. With my family who loves me; with grandchildren who write me wonderful birthday cards, etc.

It was the first birthday that was celebrated with a little nudie two-year old grandson in potty training mode running around the breakfast table singing happy birthday to me. Now who could top that?

Of course there was Josie spying me getting dressed and she promptly told me how big I was. The she started singing a song saying Mommy was thin, Daddy was thin, she was thin and Jack was thin and after much tactful thinking said Grammo was a little thin. Not that she was wrong. Should be my motivation. I mean, it is a fact.

Today, it's early in the celebration so who knows what other fun things will happen. A movie, Goodwill (my newest stomping grounds) and the book store were suggested.

La, La, La, La

Yesterday was my first symphony chorus rehearsal. I was a bit apprehensive because I've been doing more croaking it seems than singing. Maybe my voice was changing? Despite leaving half of my music at home; it went great! I even did parts of the Messiah that I didn't quite get the last time I did it (at least 20 years ago), and I was able to hit notes that were a little high. I did get a bit of a complex when the woman I was sitting with when I first got there; changed seats when we all went back into the room after separating by parts. She also cowered like I hit her while rehearsing our parts; I know I was singing the right notes and I showered.

It's kind of like speedchoiring. There are only six rehearsals. It's a chance to get to know 117 new people. One I already know from water aerobics at the Y-small town.

I'm really hyped about singing with an orchestra. Especially the Hallelujah Chorus. I hope the trumpeter is practicing his solo--my ALL time favorite part of the song.

Saved Myself $150

I was desperate; should I call the Geek Squad; should I patiently wait for someone to come and help me with my computer? I swear I tried this before and it didn't work but I plugged Stacy's modem directly into my computer and it worked. I am a happy camper now. Now there is lots of work to do on my website. I did some updating but I missed a few things.

I'm getting myself into the art community. Last night I went to the Athens Art Association meeting. It's good for networking and they have member shows that I"ll be able to participate in.

Sunday I'll go to my first rehearsal of the Athens Symphony Chorus. I'm exited to sing with an orchestra again.

I'm still walking but I haven't been using my Y membership as religiously. I will, if writing about it makes it so.

Another Day

No clever titles since I don't really have any idea what I'm going to blog today. Things have been busy and not at the same time.

My computer is having a major problem connecting to anything. It's confused and thinks it is connected but won't do anything. Luckily I have Stacy's computer to communicate to the outside world. This is wonderful but I also need to update my website; get on the Artists in Georgia website and another one for artists.

My Entrepreneurial Artist seminar on Saturday was great. Now I need to put the principles into action. No more just sitting and doing bears. If I want to be a business success I need to spend 60% of my time on marketing and 40% on making bears. Stacy and I have formulated a plan. Now it's my turn to put it into action. I also learned that words are important. When you're trying to sell people don't care how much you've enjoyed making what you do so I need to learn a new selling language.

I'm also looking for a job. Trying to remember what the dates and phone numbers are has been tough since I haven't worked in over 13 years. Several companies that I worked for have either gone out of business. That's my goal today is to come up with a resume. I started one but I think they need more than a name and phone number.

I have several Jack stories too. I could probably fill a whole blog with them. I call him my little Swedish boy because you can ask him a question and he'll say "yah". But on the frustrating side; you ask him a question and he'll repeat back what you said. Great practice for his talking ability but not the answer I was looking for. Yesterday I was crying (no gory details) and Jack said Grammo's crying so he gave me a kiss. Today I pretended and Jack says "Grammo's crying did you kaboom?" That's what I like a strong sensitive type. Josie's still the little social butterfly. Between school; ballet; violin; and play dates there isn't much time for interaction. We have gone to the library together and I'm sure there will be other outings.

Now the biggest challenge of the day is to think of something for dinner. Since it's Halloween; how abouat some greasy grimy gopher guts?

This and That

I was going to post a few days ago but it sounded so negative; even I didn't want to read it or keep that kind of mentality--even with a funny twist.

Today I am empowered. I've got a new business manager who will help my bear business prosper. Someone who understands it's art and a passion; not someone who wants me to mass manufacture myself just to sell. That I can live with.

I'm also excited about a seminar I'm taking tomorrow to help me with the business side; something I think my creative side tries to avoid. Plus, my manager has suggested another seminar for doing shows.

And who is this manager? My VERY capable daughter. One, who when I'm down has words of wisdom that gets me thinking more on the right track. One who I've admired forever and one who is just a real asset all around.

Thanks Stacy; I'm grateful!

Don't get me wrong; if any of the other of my big supporters are reading this--thank you. You all mean a lot to me.

Maybe

Maybe I should get out of my fantasy world and think about getting gainful employment. I tried an alteration shop around the corner and they were very slow. I find this odd since a friend said that they couldn't hem her pants for at least a week. They did, however, recommend me to another place which isn't within walking distance.

Or, maybe if I didn't have the fear of success, I'd promote my bears around town. I am taking a seminar the end of October so I guess I'm thinking that I need that before I proceed. Any excuse, right?

Anyone with a two by four to get me going?

My Dance Card Is Full

Who would have thought that I'd need a calendar to plot out my social events? Certainly not me; someone who would rather be comfortable in her own rut than go out and change things.

Now I have and isn't it ironic that I'm feeling more comfortable and more like me now that I did change things. I've literally taken the plunge and joined the YMCA so I will be taking water aerobics and yoga; maybe taking the grand kids swimming. There's also an international dance class that looks interesting.

I'm going to the Athens Art Association meeting tomorrow night to establish myself in the art community here. I'm going to a meeting at the library where local authors discuss their new books.

I'm still kind of playing "pet mom" to Stacy and crew because I haven't gotten any of my own friends. I'm sure that will happen once I'm in all these classes, etc. I did meet a possible friend at the Garden Club meeting and I will get over to see her.

So, here I am talking about all my social engagements instead of doing them. Off to get something accomplished.

What's in A Family

There are all sorts of experts out there that say that you can make your own family; nothing is really traditional anymore. While that's true; the real family is working for me. Now that I've moved to Athens I wonder why I waited so long; why I let other things sway me. Living with my daughter and her family is so very wonderful. I get to feel loving care instead of controlled care.

I wish I wasn't still feeling the drag of my former life. When that's all settled and put to bed there will be a great weight lifted from me. The thing to do is not worry about what's going to happen; make the things I want to happen a reality. This is not a Pollyanna attitude; it's an I'll deal with the circumstances in the best way I can--lemonade out of lemons? Just move forward and enjoy this family; be as much of a contributing member as I can.

Philosophy 101 is not concluded for today.

Name That Breed

If the vet doesn't know what Sally is; how are us mere mortals supposed to figure it out. I have a few clues. I think she's part hickory since she loves to eat sticks. A lot of Curious George with a little sled dog thrown in the mix. It makes me wonder how she can keep chomping at the bit to go faster without getting choked. But, on the other hand you have to admire her exuberance; her curiosity that this body could probably use a little of. I'm reminded that I'm slightly (I'm being kind here) out of shape and if Sally is a good tool to help me get in shape; more power to her.

We walked back from the Bread Company this morning--Jack in the stroller and Sally on the leash. With a few exceptions she stayed right at my side and there were no crashes or dog pancakes. Now she's peacefully sleeping. I'm enjoying it.

Settling In

I'm getting my bearings and not feeling so much like a deer in the headlights. Yesterday I got a checking account; today I might get a library card if they'll let me. A debit card will be in my future too; it appears that you don't have to have a job to get one of those. I went out on my own to get all of these things and made a couple of wrong turns but was able to recover and I didn't end up in Atlanta or Timbuktu. I even purchased an appointment book since my life now will be filled with lots of things to do. Even if it's Stacy's schedule so I will be able to help with the grand kids; that will be good too.

I haven't beared much; so much going on. I'll have to make a time and a place for it; somewhere where a pretty frisky puppy won't run off with a body part or something more dangerous to her.

That's another thing that's a bit different for me is having a dog around. The patience I thought I had is being tested and I find I need to brush up on it some. It's my problem's not the dog's. I'm finding that I'm really liking her and I think it's mutual. Who knew?

This is probably not what I wanted to blog about today. I had this whole idea in my head yesterday; I even had a title. Now in the light of another day the thought has vanished. Oh well.

Probably too busy thinking of all I want to get done. Exercise more (I was hoping Stacy's scale was a lot off but she informs me that it's pretty true--AARGGH!); join the YMCA or a yoga class. Join a book club. Definitely get my bears on track again.

Of course the real things that need to get done are getting things in New Mexico settled; finding a house; finding a job if I need one. Minor details needed to finance my new lifestyle.

All in all, the future is very bright!

Eyes on the Prize

Well I'm here at my final destination with my prize. There are still a few wrinkles to work out but it's definitely worth it!

Last night I saw Stacy perform; the show was less than top notch. I did appreciate the talent and how someone could write a whole musical. There were some good songs. The best one being Stacy singing Mother's Garden. Then I felt like I was transformed to a Broadway stage. I would buy her CD's anytime! She was in a lot of the show as Lizzie the sister and it was such fun to watch how animated she was and I was impressed with all her dialog. I'm not just saying so because I'm her mother. I did notice that she got the loudest claps after her solo.

The next prize is Josie. How could you resist someone that tries to open your bedroom door very quietly just because she wants to see you? She's learning the violin now and I can't wait to play the keyboard so we can play songs together. Her musical ability is amazing. I don't remember why we were talking about it but she sang a perfect A and E. Now that's talent!

Last but not least, there's Jack. If any little boy could be any cuter. I don't know how. I get a lot of Grammo? and tugs to come play cars with him. Today he's two. My how time flies!!


I am so looking forward to all the adventures here. I'm still a little overwhelmed but that too will pass.

On The Seventh Day

This is the seventh day of my new life and I'm resting too much. I thought that if I was starting again I should not post to the old blog. Especially since I'm not in New Mexico anymore and although I may visit some time not so soon; I don't plan on being back there (except for getting the rest of my stuff; a court appearance; and hopefully a bear show).

I haven't felt the total affects of this new life. I still feel like I'm in limbo--which I am. I do have my eyes on the prize--a little house in Athens, Georgia, near Stacy and her family; close enough to drive and see my sister more often than once a year max; and unless they move to Timbuktu, Sara and her family.

Right now I'm enjoying being with my family of origin; getting back to feeling like me again. Simple things like playing cards with aunts, uncle and cousins. Staying up past 8 p.m. Simple pleasures. Going to Mom's church. Trying to connect with old friends and visiting the old haunts. Boy has there been a lot of building going on. I won't even go into the demise of the fabric store; that seems to be universal.

I'm looking forward to my new life but I've kind of been at odds with it because I don't know what to do with myself here in limbo. I didn't bring enough stuff with me to keep me occupied. When I left I didn't feel like doing any of it. I thought of journaling and getting my feelings on paper but I don't have a notebook and I opted for blogging for right now instead of using gas to go get one. I went for a walk--not a big one but I did get out there and didn't talk myself out of it. Knock on wood, the rain stopped long enough. I had to threaten myself on my walk because I was telling myself how bored I was (yes, Mom, I would have owed you a LOT of nickels). I told myself that if I was so bored I could always go back to the way it was. Boy, did that straighten me out in a hurry!

There, I've done it! One more thing I said I was going to do. Now I'm on a roll.